Growing Up Friendless

Growing up as a shy, yet outgoing person, I never really had any friends. You know how it is, you introverts out there.  You're in a social setting, and there's a lull in the conversation.  You can't have that! So you start talking.  And you can't stop yourself.  Soon enough, you're telling this extensive story to either absolutely everyone, or to no one at all.  As always, everyone is either listening, making you the center of attention, or ignoring you completely. Both options make you want to die inside.  You shrink down on yourself, berating yourself for even stepping out of your house, you always just make a fool out of yourself! Why do you even bother anymore?
   Then you make eye contact with someone. It seems that one - just one - person has deemed your story interesting or important enough to listen to, wasting precious moments of their day.  You smile awkwardly, stand in silence for a few more moments, your arms crossed in front of you.  The other person doesn't pick up on your mental urges for them to talk to you first, so you sidle out of the room when no one is looking.  You go home, tell your family, anyone who might care, that you had a great time, but really, you don't ever want to leave the house again, because it was just that horrible of an experience.  But you have to keep up the appearance, cause you don't want to disappoint anyone, and even further, you don't want them to pity you.
     You spend your entire childhood like this, never truly having any friends, because you either scare them away with your awkward tendencies, or you can't make yourself form a coherent thought around any other human being.